
What do you mean I can’t expect to play video games for four hours every night?!
Wait, what’s the homework? And when is it due? How long should it be? Is it OK if it’s longer than that?
I’ve recently heard quotes like these from different high school students with autism. One student seems to think any assigned work is a personal affront on his free time, and the other is incredibly diligent—sometimes too much so. Two very different students with two very different problems. I think the advice we give students is partially to blame.
Common Advice About Hard Work
Teachers and parents often give young people advice about the value of hard work. They say things like, always do you best, and the only things worth having come from hard work. There’s also put your nose to the grindstone, you only get out what you put in, and many more.
These mantras are probably intended to inspire people to keep working on something that’s hard for them. In many cases, this is a nice thought. But there can be problems with this advice, generally speaking and particularly for autistic individuals.
What if someone takes that advice completely to heart and becomes anxious and stressed out, thinking they must work their hardest at all times?
The other problem is that people frequently advise others to do the exact opposite! They say don’t sweat the small stuff. And, take it easy.
Well, which one is it? Should we always work hard? Should we feel relaxed all the time and never worry? Seems to me we need to find a balance.

Finding a Balance Between
Relaxing and Working Hard
It’s not possible to always do your absolute best. That would mean not sleeping so that you can revise that report one more time. And it’s not possible to always relax. You’d never complete anything that’s required of you (and the reality is that life is full of things that are required of you).
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