Correcting people’s’ grammer

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via Brainless Tales

 

 

Who did you send that to?

 

This sentence is grammatically incorrect. It seems innocuous enough, but it is wrong. What to do?

Should you correct people’s use of who versus whom, misusing literally, or saying nucular? This is an interesting social phenomenon—many people have very strong feelings about correcting other people’s language use. The company Grammarly recently posted a poll to its twitter feed asking:

It immediately struck me: share thought-hold thoughtthis is a total share your thoughts ~ hold your thoughts scenario!

There are times when it is helpful and expected to share your thoughts with others, and there are times when it will be considered rude and could upset people. So when do you hold which thoughts?

First, let’s look at the results:

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Let it go, or no no no!

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stick-dont sweat

Stick to your guns – or – Don’t sweat the small stuff

Well which is it?!

Should I stick to my guns and be persistent… even if it causes me anguish?
Should I not sweat the small stuff and just let things go… even if they are really important to me?

The answer is, of course, that it’s best to find a balance!

Persevering

“Sticking to your guns” is advice people give when they are suggesting that you persevere. Persevering is when you keep trying to do something, accomplish something, get your way—no matter how hard it seems, no matter what obstacles you face. Thinking about perseverance, you can imagine a fist clenching onto something tightly.

And there are times when it’s beneficial to persevere. For example:

perseverePersevering a little helps when you’re stuck on a math problem and you need to just try another solution to get the right answer.

Persevering a lot can be necessary in certain situations, like pushing back against a company that’s overcharging you for something you’ve bought and hoping you’ll just give up and pay the unfair amount.

But persevering too much, or at the wrong time, can often make situations worse. If you persevere and insist that a classmate change a word in a paper you’re writing together because you don’t like it, even though her word is still right… and she’s explained it to you… and it really just comes down to a difference of opinion—that could end in a damaged relationship with your classmate.

Sometimes it’s just not the “right fight.” Maybe that was a time to let it go.

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Teachers—How do we be both firm and flexible?

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No talking without raising your hand.

It’s a common classroom rule. But do teachers expect it to be followed always, every time, under all conditions? Really?

What about the times when that one student who never participates calls out an answer? Do we risk not hearing from her after insisting on reminding her to raise her hand?

Or during that magical moment when a class discussion gets going beautifully and you can step back and watch students discuss and debate? Do we stifle the discussion by stopping each student and pointing to the “no calling out” reminder on the board?

Teachers need to be firm in enforcing their expectations. But we also need to be flexible when the situation calls for it. How do we do both? Strike a balance!

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Scaffolding balance

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Goldilocks and math instruction. There is a connection.

A recent article co-authored by a teacher and an education professor explored the sweet spot of providing support during a math exploration. Rachel Dale and Jimmy Scherrer describe finding the right amount of support by looking at two extremes and finding the “just right” level in between, like Goldilocks eating porridge that was neither too hot nor too cold. They give detailed examples of providing too much and too little scaffolding in a exploratory lesson on fractions, before landing in between, on what they call “productive struggle”—

The right amount of scaffolding: Productive struggle

This approach of Goldilocks discourse is an example of productive struggle (Kapur, 2014). The key to making student-struggle productive is providing the right amount of scaffolding.

Source: Goldilocks Discourse — math scaffolding that’s just right | Kappan Common Core Writing Project

This is a good concrete example of an earlier Balance Challenge, that of providing support and encouraging independence. You can read the original post on that here.

scale support-independenceProviding supporting through scaffolding is necessary, but too much and students aren’t free to make mistakes and draw their own conclusions.

And we do indeed need to step back and encourage their independence, but stepping back too much leaves students to flounder.

Like Goldilocks finding the not-too-big/not-too-small chair, find the scaffolding sweet spot to help your students achieve productive struggle, where kids learn best.

Humblebraggarts: Pick a side

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Oh that thing I did that you could never do – it’s no big deal…

Blame social media, the internet, or human nature—humblebragging is a phenomenon that happens frequently enough that it has a name.

The more or less official definition of humblebrag is, “an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement whose actual purpose is to draw attention to something of which one is proud.” It’s hiding bragging.

And basically no one likes it:

the problem with humblebragging is two fold: it involves bragging, which no one likes, and a feeble attempt to hide it, which people easily notice and recognize as insincere

via The rise of humblebragging, the best way to make people not like you

Humblebraggarts—those who humblebrag—seem to be messing up finding a balance: wanting to brag, but not wanting to appear to be bragging. We’ve discussed precisely this balance earlier, that of humility and boasting (you can read the full post here).

This balance between being humble and boasting—like all Balance Challenges—can be hard one to find. But it seems that humblebraggarts are trying to have it both ways: in an attempt not appear to be on the extreme side of boasting, they are cloaking their bragging in humility. That’s not real humility, and other people know it. According to researchers from Harvard Business School,

“Humblebraggers experience the positive effect from bragging and the positive feeling that they are not actually bragging, while recipients react negatively to both the self-promotion and the attempt to mask it.”

In sum:

Humblebraggarts want to brag but not to appear to be bragging, so that others aren’t bothered. But it doesn’t work, because others both recognize the bragging, and are further bothered by the insincerity.

What to do? Bustle has some concrete examples of how to avoid humblebragging. It essentially comes down to this: If you don’t need to brag, don’t do it. If you’re going to brag, brag. Own it. Basically, be honest.

But here again is another case of the “muddiness” of the social world: the lesson seems to be, it’s better to be honest and sincere than hide boasting. Yet be careful about taking that advice to its extreme—there are only too many examples of being too honest that can end badly…

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Does it help to say, I am the greatest?

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“It pays to be overconfident”

That’s according to a recent study that claims overconfidence leads to higher social status and “peer perceptions of social and task skill.”

I can’t help but have a gut response that says, so many people can see right through that overconfidence or are just put off by it. But even if we accept the research, does that mean we should always trick ourselves into thinking that we’re the best?

Not according to psychologist Daniel Kahneman. Kahneman, author of Thinking, Fast and Slow, says straight up, don’t be too confident. He sees overconfidence as the trait most likely to lead to terrible decisions. In a recent interview, he described overconfidence as:

the kind of optimism that leads governments to believe that wars are quickly winnable and capital projects will come in on budget despite statistics predicting exactly the opposite

So, then, what are we left to think? If we’re super confident then we may get the respect of our peers, but make bad decisions. If, on the other hand, we doubt ourselves constantly, won’t that impede our drive and damage our self-image?

It seems, once again, that what we need to do is strike a balance. Find that middle ground between:

extreme self-confidence that can cloud your judgement

and

extreme self-doubt that leaves you powerless

088.pngThere’s a huge space in between, where you find the confidence to tackle challenges, and at the same time the questioning necessary to find the true best solution.

The Balance Challenge is all about making decisions that work best for you and the people around you. Finding the right balance between confidence and questioning can help guide the way.

Audience… It’s Complicated

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A hospital? What is it?

Watching that scene from Airplane, it’s pretty clear to most folks that Elaine knows what a hospital is. When she asks, What is it? she means something like What’s the matter with the woman who needs to go to the hospital? Dr. Rumack assumes What is it? refers to what a hospital is… but of course she knows! That’s what makes this scene funny.

But generally, how can you be sure of what your audience knows and doesn’t know? This exchange between Rumack and Elaine is a funny example of when someone assumes another person doesn’t have knowledge about something they clearly do.

So when you’re having a conversation, just how do you figure out how much detail to go into? You might explain too much, like Dr. Rumack, and give information that your audience already knows. Or you might not explain enough and talk over their head.

Self-advocate Kirsten Lindsmith has a good post about the impact of this dilemma on her social interactions.

If I don’t stop to explain, I inevitably say something that my audience doesn’t understand, and I lose their interest, or worse, seem rude. But when I over-explain, I come off as annoying and condescending!

via The Little Professor is Compensating for Something: Theory of Mind and Pedantic Speech | The Artism Spectrum

Balance Explain & Skim

It’s important to explain your ideas to people who may not know—they don’t have all the same knowledge that you do.

Yet it’s also important to not go into too much detail—you can’t explain every single detail.

How do you do both? Strike a balance!

explain-skim

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Teacher Balance—Support and Independence

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hands upA student raises her hand.
Teachers: What do you do?

Do you run over to help immediately, carefully taking time to walk her through every part of what she’s working on?

Or do you tell her, “No questions – try it yourself first”?

As with most questions, the best and most accurate answer is: it depends.

Teachers want to provide support to students when they’re confused, but they also want to encourage independence so they develop skills to problem solve themselves. How does one do both? First let’s look at the dangers of the extremes—if you only do one or the other:

Only Providing Support

It’s crucial to provide support for students, especially when they are learning new content, or when a particular student is struggling.

support

Providing Support

So should you run over to help students at the first sign of a question? Not necessarily…

If a teacher provides too much support, students can become reliant on them. They can develop a dependency on your help and not develop the skills to tackle challenging work on their own.

For this reason, you may want to be careful about situations like this:

  • If you help students every single time they ask for it – they may never learn to problem-solve
  • If you give third, and fourth… and fifth chances when not handing in homework – they may never learn to take responsibility
  • If you swoop in at the first sign of disagreement and solve the group’s problem – they may never learn to resolve peer conflicts

To avoid enabling students, teachers shouldn’t solve their every problem in every instance. Sometimes you need to foster independence. Let’s look at this more closely.

Only Encouraging Independence

So we’ve learned it’s crucial to encourage students to be independent. Have we found the answer to the hand-raising problem: just let them figure it out themselves? Not so fast.

independence

Encouraging Independence

If you expect too much independence—and don’t provide support to achieve it—students don’t learn how to become independent. They can flounder in their confusion or frustration, not knowing where to start or what to do next.

So you can’t always expect students to figure our problems on their own. Think twice about things like this:

  • If you refuse to answer questions – students won’t know you’re there to help them when they’re genuinely stuck
  • If you give directions once and only once – you leave out students who need more time to process, and your directions just may not have been clear in the first place!
  • If you expect students to organize everything on their own – they lack models of essay outlines and notebook sections to know what organization can even look like

So we don’t just throw students into the deep end of the pool, as they may flail—and fail—without appropriate support. Let’s now look at a balanced approach.

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This is the BEST POST EVER! …well, I mean, it’s fine.

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strong opinions signOpinions are like bellybuttons: everyone’s got one. 

I recently mentioned the AppleWatch to a friend, and before I could finish my sentence, he said, “Oh my GOD! The AppleWatch is SO dumb! Why would anyone want something so useless and so expensive?!” I was caught off guard—I was about to mention something I like about the watch, but all of a sudden I felt like I couldn’t say anything positive about it.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. And everyone has the right to express their opinion. But there are lots of ways to express your opinion, from a brief mention to a forceful tirade. So which should you do, and when?

The first thing to do is consider whether it makes sense to share you thought or hold your thought. Some opinions are better left unsaid if all they’ll do is hurt someone.

So if you decide to share your opinion, should you be enthusiastic and passionate? Or calm and measured?

Only Enthusiastic

If you feel very strongly about your opinion, you may decide to share it enthusiastically. You state it with passion, because it is a very strong belief. It’s like a tidal wave, crashing to shore with incredible force!

enthusiasticThere are times when it makes sense to share your opinion with this much fervor. With friends who agree with you about how awesome the Minions movie was, be enthusiastic!

But if you are too enthusiastic, or too enthusiastic at the wrong time, you may have become “overzealous”—spending an extreme level of energy expressing a belief. You could anger or bother the people around you.

Only Measured

So if being too enthusiastic is a problem, what’s the alternative? Being measured. This is like calm waves on the ocean, moving slowly and evenly.

measuredBeing measured is when you share your opinion in a calm and reserved way. When talking about a controversial topic, or with someone you don’t know well, it is often helpful not to share too enthusiastically.

But as with all things, being too measured can be a problem, too. People may think that you don’t care about your opinion. Being too measured could be mistaken for indifference. In those cases, other people in a group may make decisions without you, because they assume you don’t care. For example, don’t let your team at work decide everyone needs to come in an hour early if you have a very long commute and can’t make it!

Balancing Being Enthusiastic and Measured

Better than one extreme or the other, it’s best to find a balance between those two extremes:

scale enthusiastic measured

There are a lot of choices in between too enthusiastic and too measured. When having discussions in a group, consider just how enthusiastic or how measured to be when sharing your opinion.

Remember that sharing opinions has an impact on other people: it can make them uncomfortable, angry, or disappointed. OR it can make them interested, curious, inspired, or constructively challenged. And other people’s reactions all come back to you!

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When is Rude Really Rude? Fuggedaboutit!

From “NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette” by Nathan W. Pyle

New Yorkers don’t mean to be rude; they’re just impatient. Time is highly valued here, so we show others respect by making an effort not to waste theirs

from Why Do New Yorkers Seem So Rude?

New Yorkers have a reputation for being rude. Pushy. Selfish.

A recent article describes  the reason why: New Yorkers value time. Associate Director for International Student Services at New York University, Tom Sirinides, explains that the pushiness is a response to a need to get places on time, that New Yorkers don’t have patience for people who delay them.

This is meant to provide a reason, a context for why New Yorkers aren’t nice to one another. Does that then make it OK? The next time you get body-checked on the sidewalk by someone not looking where they’re going, do you just think to yourself, “Oh, that’s fine—he’s in a hurry.”

nyc etiquette assertive subway

From “NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette” by Nathan W. Pyle

When you visit or live in New York, there’s a perception that you have to be pushy and rude to survive, just to get by. But all things get taken too far, and when that happens there’s a need to consider balance. In New York, and everywhere where people live around other people, folks should consider the balance of assertiveness and restraint:

  • If you’re too restrained, it’s true you may never get on that crowded subway. so
    metimes you just have to push a bit.
  • But be too assertive and you run the risk of being unnecessarily violent and hurting others, just because you don’t want to wait three minutes for the next subway.

Many New Yorkers—myself included!—could benefit from leaning a little more toward the restraint side.

And perhaps more important than the explanation of New York rudeness are Sirinides’s thoughts on understanding other cultures’ customs:

Never confuse differences in etiquette with moral failings—or, in other words, don’t assume someone is wrong or backward just because his or her customs differ from what you’re used to

Good advice for anyone—whether visitors surviving in New York, or neurotypicals responding to social differences of folks with ASD.